How do I choose who will father my children in a polamorous relationship?

My husband and I are in a triad with another man. So far there are no kids, but we might want to do that. How do we sort out who becomes the biological father?

—Between2Guys
One might think that as a general practice the legal husband in a long-standing MFM triad would do the honors in providing the genes for little one(s), but as with everything else in polyamory, practice varies. Yes, some do it that way. If more than one child is desired, the husband may father the first child, the other man the second.

I’ve heard of MFM triads who say, “We don’t know, and we don’t care which of our male partners fathered our child. We all love the child as any parent would.” That’s great, but there can occasionally be times when the genetic parentage is relevant, say, for inherited diseases. Of course, if such an issue arises in an MFM triad in which biological parentage is not known, DNA testing can provide the answer.

I know a married couple who lived a number of years with another guy, and the other guy fathered their one child. When he recently chose to separate, the child stayed with his mother and her husband. It appeared to me to be a healthy family. The boy, now 10, considers that he has two fathers, and often visits with his now separated bio father, as well has having his other father at home.

In another MFM triad, the original couple wanted children, but the man turned out to be unable to father children, because of a low sperm count. They brought in another male partner so they could have children, in addition to wanting to live in a triad. It worked: The female partner soon got pregnant by the new guy, with the original guy’s blessing and encouragement, and they were all happy.

So, as in other poly situations, the choice is yours as to which male partner in your triad fathers your kid (or the first one), or whether you want to leave that to chance.